The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
