Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
