operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
