Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
