it's not cheating when I paid for it
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
