I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
