so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
