you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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