Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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