Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
