So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
