He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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