Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
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You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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