Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
