So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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