I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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