She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
