We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
