Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize