the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize