when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
