My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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