I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
