No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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