My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
