can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
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It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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