I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
