Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
my poor anus
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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