Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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