The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I believe in your delicious
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
