giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
