i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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