Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
