i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
honey bunches of taint.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
