They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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