roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
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Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
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He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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