i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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