im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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