Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
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I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
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When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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