2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So many bounce houses so little time
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
