She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
