we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
