dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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