Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
