Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
