Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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