peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
