why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
