i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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