My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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