phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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