I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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