He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
