Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize