I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
