Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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