yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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