If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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