I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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