When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
