I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
