last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
