i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
