Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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