did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
